Every once in a while things show up in the mail that I don't remember buying. Not only did I apparently purchase one plunger for $50, I bought two. I must have been really heavily into a good bottle of Malbec that night.
Read MoreHere are some conversations that have taken place in my fucked up head lately:
Read MoreI just got a Get Out of Jail, I mean, Camping, Free Card (aka plane ticket home) to work on my book. Well, I’m supposed to be working on my book but I can’t stop fixating about how awesome my liver would taste right now. I mean, if someone were to carve it out and eat it right this second. It doesn’t even need to be cooked.
Read MoreThe fire fizzled out when it started to rain. Six hours later we eat the way-too-pink-mostly-raw pork chops anyway. I'm wondering when the full-blown trichinosis kicks in, will be too late to save us because we're at least 2 hours away from a hospital? And who will drive? Because on top of the trichinosis, I don't have my driving glasses. I dont' want to even think about Rob's reaction when everyone starts projectile vomiting all over the interior of the Volvo.
Read More5 weeks. 5 provinces. 3 states. 3 islands. 8000 km. Lots of camping. Not nearly enough bathing. Lots of observations. Boom. Here we go.
Read MoreI thought someone snuck into the back of the car and was stealing one of Oskar's organs without giving him a sedative first. The shrieking, the screaming.
We threw the mothership into park in the middle of the highway to find a giant bug doing the Macarena all over the back of the car.
Read MoreI am a weak, weak, filthy, no dirty, no filthy, filthy-dirty woman.
Driving into the Maritimes I saw a billboard for a McDonalds McLobster Roll. And I can't stop obsessing about it.
Read MoreWhy the fuck would anyone trap themselves in a car with a 3 year old and a 6 year old for six weeks?
When we plan these trips it's like we suffer amnesia disorder from the previous summer because we do this every year. We started when our daughter Isla was 9 months old.
Read MoreI'm pretty sure you are supposed to put on a princess party for your daughter's 4th birthday. Except we're on a 5000 km road trip. We made our daughter hike 5 km in Prince Edward Island National Park and then rewarded her with this cake. She asked for a Hello Kitty cake. Oops.
Read MoreHey, Feral Cats and Bunnies, guess what, I’m not running a sexhouse and birthing center in my yard for you anymore! I’m done playing nice, you’ve cost me a fortune and the whole lot of you need to f@#k right off.
For two years in a row I’ve been shlepping kittens over to that cat gong show - Craig Street Cats… they do laudable work, but let me tell you the woman who runs that place is one cracker short of bonkers.
Read MoreI came home last week to an impromptu tattoo shop set up in the back lane behind my house. The tattoo artist was ingeniously using my neighbour’s parking plug to power her tools, and charge her phone. I had the good fortune of witnessing her finishing up a tattoo. “Strenth” was inked onto the wrist of a willing and seemingly oblivious candidate.
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