Fuck the Bees.

I thought someone snuck into the back of the car and was stealing one of Oskar's organs without giving him a sedative first. The shrieking, the screaming.

We threw the mothership into park in the middle of the highway to find a giant bug doing the Macarena all over the back of the car.

Oskar: Eowwwwwwww, get it out! Get it off me! Ahh, ahhh, ahhh.

Rob: Oskar, calm down. No one died.

Me: Don't tell him to calm down. He's a kid. He's scared. This is how he manifests fear.

Oskar: Ahhhhhhh, get it out! (now trembling and sweating.)

Rob: Oskar, stop screaming.

Me: Just so you know Rob, I totally disagree with your parenting style.

Oskar: ahhh, ahhh' ahhh. ( tears, hyperventilating)

Isla: Whoa!

Isla's eyes are wide with excitement! She reaches over and snatches the big black bug by its enormous wings. I have to reach over and pluck it away from her little fingers before she bloody well eats the damn thing.

A word about Isla- she fears nothing and is master of all living things. Just yesterday she came out of the ocean carrying a huge crab she caught and named Fred. I cannot express her devastation when I informed her that, no, Fred would not be traveling back to the prairies with us so she could add him to her menagerie of dead creatures in yoghurt containers strewn all over our deck. She claims to love them. But inevitably they all die a horrible death.

Rob: He's over reacting

Me: Well, fine, but telling him how to react is doing nothing to help him with his fear.

Me: Oskar, when I was a little girl, I got attacked by a swarm of hornets and I had to go to the hospital.

Rob: Oh, yeah, okay, that's really going to help him.

Me: Shut up. There's a point to this.

Me: When I licked my lips all I could feel were hornets. They were all over my arms and legs too. I got lots of stings.

Rob: Nice. Traumatize him.

Me: Anyway, Oskar, I was fine in the end. But for 10 years I was scared of hornets, wasps and bees. Every time I saw one I would scream and run. And one day I decided that I didn't want to be scared of them anymore. What's the worst that can happen? I get stung. I've been stung, lots, and I survived. I'm not allergic to stings like your baba.

Rob: Oh my god, THAT'S your parenting strategy?

Oskar: So you're not afraid anymore?

Me: Nope

A few days later there was a bee near the opening of the tent.

Oskar: AHHHHHHHH. GET IT OUT! Eeeeeeeee. (Arms flapping, legs flailing)

Oskar freaked out even more than with the bug in the car. Funny, I don't recall him being that afraid of bees.

Daria SalamonComment