The Winter Bucket List

Instead of cursing your cold, sorry ass, Winter, and spending four months fantasizing about living somewhere hot - I am taking you on. And I will defeat you. I will bring you to your knees.

This is my Winter Bucket List (or as I like to call it Winter Fuck-It List). It will keep me so busy, and having so much fun that I will be sad when the snotcicles melt.

  1. Create a winter cocktail lounge on my deck. Have a drink out there at least once a week. Lure my unsuspecting friends over for an outdoor cocktail party.

  1. Pee in a snowbank.

  1. Skate on the river in a costume.

  1. Take snowboarding lessons with my kids. Try not to break anything.

  1. Roll around in the snow in my bathing suit. (...did this last winter - crazy fun)

  1. Make a list of all my friends who have outdoor hot tubs and invite myself over.

  1. Make a really fucking kick ass snowman. Get someone to pose for a picture with it in their underwear.

  1. Have dinner at the outdoor restaurant.

  1. Burn all the stuff from around my house that I don't like in an outdoor fire.

  1. Watch a Winter Olympic sport I have never watched before. Biathlon anyone?

  1. Rent a cabin for the purpose of sex and Euchre.

  1. Cross country ski outside the city.

  1. Make those ice lanterns from Pinterest.

  1. Don't freak out on my kids about how long it takes to get their snow shit on.

  1. Experiment with Hot Toddy recipes. Make the most incredible Hot Toddy EVER.

  1. Read Hemingway’s Winter of My Discontent

  1. Don't devote more than 2 hours a week fantasizing about a hot vacation you probably won't take.

  1. Eat pea soup at the Festival du Voyageur.

  1. Kiss a Voyageur.

  2. Convince someone to stick their tongue on a metal pole

  1. Throw some curling rocks.

   21.  Invest in an expensive flask and take it tubing, tobogganing and cross country skiing.

   22.  Visit my esthetician this winter. Don't treat body hair like an extra layer of warmth. (In case you missed my Winter Vagina blog - it is hands down my favourite blog to date - check it out here.)

   23.  Have a tropical day. Crank the heat to 30, wear bathing suits and drink umbrella drinks all day.

   24.  Plaster my kids with 100 snowballs from the tree house when they get home from school one day.

   25.  Get snow paint write cheesey quotes like these in public places:

  • You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. (This means booze, right?)

  • A #2 pencil and a dream can take you anywhere.

   26. Visit that polar bear at the zoo to discuss winter survival strategies.

   27. Drink Ice Wine.

That's the Winter Bucket list so far. If you have suggestions, things to add, want to pose in your underwear with my snowman - let me know!

Happy Winter!