My husband says I can’t bang out a blog post or polish off my novel because I’m too distracted by wine. Um, no, I have other legitimate distractions.

Here are my Top 5 from the past week:

  • Big annual wine sale at the MLCC. I spent two days last week driving around town loading up on cases of cheap wine. So, dear husband, I’m not not writing because I’m drinking booze, it’s because I’m saving us money on booze. Big difference.

  • I’m staring at a letter pinned to the bulletin board. Lice outbreak at the Montessori. Since the chicken pox debacle last year (that was somehow traced back to us), every time there’s an outbreak of any sort at the school I start freaking out. Please, please if there’s a god somewhere, don’t let us be Patient Zero, again. And why is my head so itchy?

  • Bacon. I just find bacon generally distracting. I cannot stop thinking about it.

  • When I was at a red light last week, a guy started banging on my car window and then he opened my car door. I thought I was getting car jacked so I screamed at the top of my lungs and yelled… Get the FUCK out of my car you car thief crazy man!!!!!! Followed by lots more shrill screaming on my part. It turns out he was just trying to give me the 20 foot extension cord that was dragging beneath my car. It took me a full day and a half to calm down and recover emotionally from this fake-car-jacking. What? Bacon?

  • My Book Club of 8 years disbanded yesterday. Not only am I a homeless, sometimes drunk, vagabond in the book world, but who the fuck is going to buy my novel if I ever finish it?

  • I just let Mark Zuckerburg make a video of my life on Facebook because I’m too goddamn lazy and technology-impaired to make my own. I'm addicted to these one-minute comic distillations of our lives. Bacon. Oooh, can't wait to see how Twitter will condense my world for its 10 year anniversary!

Time to go polish off the last edits on that book...but first I need to grab a glass of that super cheap vino I picked up at the wine sale last week. Bacon.