We Spent 24/7 With Our Kids For A Year. We Survived and So Will You!
You’ve suddenly been thrust into the roles of teacher, coach, grandparent, cousin and that super annoying kid next door. Thanks to Covid-19, you are spending extended periods of uninterrupted time with your beloved children. As someone who spent 24/7 with her kids for an entire year, I want to say three things to other parents during these unsettling times: 1) you got this, 2) some real family magic will emerge out of all this, and 3) lobby your local government to ensure that the liquor delivery remains open.
Is it wrong if your children look better through a wine glass?
A few years ago we decided to take a trip around the world with our then five and seven year-old children. When we planned this trip, we envisioned days frolicking on fine-sand beaches of remote islands, hiking peaks of pristine national parks, fixing our binoculars on rare wildlife. Sure, those moments happened occasionally, but what we didn’t prepare for was that our children would be with us constantly, often in confined quarters -- for 365 days. There was no break, no escape. Like, I mean, they never went away. (Except for that time we temporarily misplaced the little one).
Yes, we had the freedom to move around the world, but due to a strict budget it was often in confined spaces like buses, boats, or hostels. We spent three f#%king months that year in a tent that had a footprint smaller than our king size bed back home! What were we thinking? (Maybe there will be a pandemic in 2020? School will be canceled and we should practice not killing the kids?) We know well what it is like to live in inescapable proximity to your children with not so much as a door to close. Smelly armpits, foot fungus, don’t get me started on the vaginosis – there are no secrets when there is a persistent audience of little people. The one area of their education that will not suffer is Family Life - that class that is supposed to teach them about things that were once a bit awkward, but are now on full display in most houses. How did trying to self-sugar become a source of entertainment and a lesson in science for the children?
Our 5 star nylon hotel
As we all head deeper into our social distancing and self-isolation programs, you have probably already noticed your kids pouring milk over a bowl of jelly beans and calling it cereal, you’re snapping more than a pitbull at a newborn kitten, you can’t hear your boss in a Zoom meeting because your daughter is screeching that you cooked the wrong colour of macaroni and cheese. Happy hour is encroaching dangerously close to mid-morning. If this is your reality, you are right on track. Standards goals and expectations evolve. Actually, they deteriorate.
During that year, just like now, while trying to work, we were at the helm of the kids’ education, entertainment and well-being. My husband was attempting to maintain his consulting business, while I was trying to earn a freelance income while being on the move and parenting full-time. I learned that I had to be more flexible with my goals and sometimes a writing piece would be a mediocre effort because it was written in a moving bus while my son was hurling in a bag next to me. The commissioned article, Singapore With Kids, was abandoned along with the sick bag and replaced with a blog post about how to clean puke from the crevices of the bus seat. Most days keeping the kids alive was something we’d check off the daily to-do list.
Children’s learning can take many shapes and forms –or no form at all. There is no shortage of material floating around on the internet about how to survive Covid-19 with home-bound offspring. We conducted homeschooling at first but eventually kicked into survival mode. Upon return our kids were still promoted to the next grade, ahead in both reading and vocabulary - although not necessarily the right kind of vocabulary. We read, made movies, attempted new languages, practiced magic, cooked, grew things, played ping pong, held poker tournaments, relayed all the plots of all the Terminator movies – whatever barmy scheme would get us through, we’d employ. They don’t need to complete every school lesson. (I’m also a teacher, by the way). There are many ways to skin a long day, and regardless how you do it, kids are good at scavenging skills.
Even though it feels like survival mode for all of us right now there are precious gifts to spending 24/7 with your children. The social distancing from others is pushing us to explore, er, tolerate, our family bonds like never before. When we finally came home to an activity schedule and a return to school, I ached for my children. We were accustomed to spending so much time together, it hurt to send them back to school, dance and baseball. That time together taught me to relax the activity schedule and not fill every hour of every day with a lesson or a practice.
There were times on our trip when we’d have given anything to put a just a little space between us and our kids. (Can five-dollar hour-long Thai massages double as babysitting?) But the inability to have that space, is what has inextricably connected us forever; those shared memories and experiences will tether families for years to come, long after we have returned to our normal lives. After spending a year away from their grandparents, friends, coaches and teachers – trapped with only each other and their parents, how are our kids faring through this pandemic? They’ve barely noticed the isolation. God forbid we suffer another pandemic, but if we ever do, your kids will be pros.
Going Stir Crazy? Daria and Rob wrote a memoir, Don’t Try This At Home: One Family’s (mis)Adventures Around the World about going stir crazy with their kids for a year. Available here: